today at denny’s i was being my usual 58 year old cis woman self and wearing my “i read about men beating up other men in a sexual context for my own enjoyment” shirt, yknow as i do

and there is this little girl in the line behind me, she was probably, like, nine, what a fucking scrub

and shes been staring at my shirt for the last five minutes so i say “do you have something to say to me you filthy fucking gremlin”

and she replies with “thats kinda weird”

a woman who i assume to be her mom suddenly squeezed up through the floorboards, still no idea how she did that, and said “fiction doesn’t affect reality jessica. as soon as we’re getting home you’re scrubbing the entire fucking house with a pencil eraser.”

the girl starts crying and her mom drags her out of the denny’s, but not before giving me the secret “i, too, love pretending gay men exist for my enjoyment” handshake. 

the entire restaurant starts slow-clapping it out for me. the cashier gave me free lunch and permission to fuck his wife whenever i want.

what a fantastic day.